What is on your Wish List?
Photo credit to Louis Columbus Photography
Could you write down what you really wanted??
If you had 1 to 2 minutes to write down 20 things you “wished for”, could you do it?
The speed of the exercise is very important, because given too much time, we won’t listen to our gut but rather to our “shoulds.”
Acclaimed Author, Teacher, Creative Recovery Thought Leader Julia Cameron in her book The Artist’s Way asserts “ One of the best ways to evade our Censor is to use the technique of speed writing.”
I have to tell you, I did this exercise again recently, and to say I struggled, is to put it lightly.
I had taken the book back out a couple months ago because I had found myself so caught up in the tyranny of everyday life, that my writing had gone to an almost stand still.
I did Nanowrimo this past November for about 2 weeks -ish and was all pumped to make my writing a priority….. and then self-doubt came and I fed that ugly monster.
I knew I needed to get back to the basics, refresh my affirmations and remind myself of the great suggestions in The Artist’s Way.
The section that recently captured my attention was Chapter 5 on “The Virtue Trap.”
It talks about how we censor ourselves and our true desires. ( often in the name of martyrdom)
Which is heartbreaking really….because how do you have true connection? With yourself, with anyone else?
How would you go after the things you want….. if you can’t even write them down on a piece of paper?????
EEK!!!
Turns out filling out the blanks of I wish ______________________ is a lot harder than it looks.
I stared at the page for several minutes before I even attempted.
No, that’s not true if I am honest I wrote “use this for a writing prompt” in the margins and set it down several times before even attempting.
After I completed this list, I wondered if the items on the list were honest or too mired down by my own “shoulds.”
I wondered what would happen if anyone read them or found them out? Did this mean these are things I really wanted? I don’t know.
Of all things my mind wandered to Crossfit, ok, bear with me. I thought of how when we do the weight lifting portion, once a week we try to find a “max” weight for the day, your personal best on that day.
The coach always emphasizes that you are looking for your personal best for that day, not for the month, for the year, or for all time, just that day. This takes some pressure off yourself, encourages safe training and takes into account our changes in diet, sleep, stress, environment, hormones, etc, all the things that can impact our performance.
I used to think I had to improve my numbers every single time, but now I listen to my body and most of the time I don’t give it much thought. If my numbers go up, awesome, but if they don’t, it’s just a day, so I don’t sweat it.
Maybe I could approach my wish list that way? Doing exercises that require self honesty are scary as hell. Maybe the list could just be for today?
And maybe I could go back and do it again, and again again. And maybe it would get less scary each time and I would worry less about what the paper revealed.
Here is a poem I recently read about “Shoulds”....... Maybe you can relate?
